Whose Job is it To Teach a Man to Fish?

Saturday evening...Bethesda, Maryland roughly 7:30 PM. I was walking along Woodmont Ave with my best friend, smiling and talking - trying to decide where to eat a nice hot meal for the evening. We had just left the movie theater where we had enjoyed a romantic comedy, a bag of popcorn and a Cherry Coke. It was cold outside and I was complaining that I didn't want to walk too far to find someplace for dinner. I could see my breath. The wind was blowing just enough to cut through to the bone.

We came to an intersection to cross the street and a woman pardoned herself and asked us, "Could you please spare some change for us this evening? I tried to go to the shelter tonight but they were full...." I glanced back. My initial reaction was one of being uncomfortable. But then I really looked. For a change, I really looked at this woman on the street and the picture of that moment stuck with me and laid on me like a heavy weight on my chest. There tucked under her arms were two kids. They were probably ranging in age from 6 - 8. The looked at us with curious eyes, probably wondering what we would say to their mom. Their expression was very matter-of-fact, as if to say, "yes, would you spare some change? I really would like some dinner."

The woman continued, "I just want to get my kids a warm meal tonight. I'm sorry but if you could help we would really appreciate it. I tried to go to the shelter but it was full."

A thousand thoughts flashed through my mind. What brought her to this? Why was she on the street with her kids? Is this is scam for money? Does she do this all the time? What kind of situation is this? Is she trying everything she can to get a roof over their heads tonight? Is there really NOTHING or NO ONE out there to help them get fed and warm tonight? And then it hit me...it doesn't matter whether this was a scam for money. This woman (who was very well spoken) is on the street with her children in the cold asking for money for food. It's an awful situation no matter what. No matter how you perceive this or what the reasons are for it, that mother felt that this was the best way she could provide for herself and her kids that day.

We of course gave her money - gladly. And then with heavy hearts, we continued to walk towards our destination - a nicely appointed restaurant where we spent $94 on dinner including wine, appetizers, salad, main course and coffees. Throughout the meal, I thought about the woman and her children. Guilt washed over me as I looked over the feast laid out before us. Ugh.
We talked about it. Where did they eat tonight I wonder? Where will they sleep? Should we have done more? Since we did not, who will???? Whose responsibility is it to do more for those who cannot do more for themselves? The government? Well, that's clearly not working well enough.

Two days later I am still thinking about that woman. As we left the restaurant with our full bellies I felt sick as hell. Should we have offered to bring them home with us? Then what? Back on the street the next day?!

I felt helpless to do anything lasting to make a change for her and her kids.

If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day but if you teach a man to fish, you feed him for a lifetime. A word now jumps out at me that never did before...YOU. YOU must teach the man to fish - not someone else. It doesn't say, if you give a man a fish you feed him for a day but if someone else would just teach him how to fish... No it says YOU teach him.

Now what does this mean exactly these days? How do you teach a man (or a single mom) to fish these days? I feel terrible that I didn't ask that woman where she would sleep that night. I think I didn't want to know the answer. I didn't want to be responsible for her. (I hate that I felt that way.) But who WOULD be responsible for her if not me? Some would say that she should just be responsible for herself - try harder, get a job. But how can you make it as a single mom of two kids and pay for food, housing, electricity, day care and living expenses on minimum wage? You can't.

Our society is broken. It's broken because people can learn to fish but the fish are anemic. You can't survive on just any fish anymore. Any old fish (job) is just not enough. So where does that leave us?

I think we have a collective responsibility to care for those in our society who cannot care sufficiently for themselves & their children. We need to help them find a road to sustainability in their lives - but how? I don't know what to do about it. But I want to do something. If we all did something about it, it would improve or even eliminate the problem - but that's not likely to happen.

She and her children were standing there in front of me - looking at us - asking us for help. We only made a small gesture (within our comfort zone) but we did not extend ourselves and really come to understand what she/they needed that night and in the days and nights to come. I wish I had done so.

The one thing I know for sure is that we should all do something. Educate ourselves about the problem and the current programs available, learn what we can do - even if it's a small gesture. Collectively, I believe that we can make a change. The next time I meet her on the street, I hope to be more prepared to offer something better than a sardine - I would like to offer her a fishing lesson, a rod and some bait and directions to a great place to get some big fat trout all the time - oh, and a bucket of fish and chips for the road!